SUPPORT- not for the weak-hearted

Today has not been the most beautiful of days here. It's overcast, damp and windy. And besides the dreary weather it's emotionally dreary here at the Fort Bragg homestead too.

 My Soldier is currently having some trouble passing a particular aspect of his Army Training. ( I won't divulge which specific training it is to be considerate of my Soldiers privacy which he values very much).  His failure is not mine because as I always say I am not the one in the army and I don't wear my husband rank! But his failure does have some emotional effect on me. I hate seeing him upset and down especially when there is nothing I can to change the outcome.

 

My Soldier came home this morning upset and I knew right away his training hadn't gone as planned, again. I knew exactly what needed to be said and done I went into what I like to call "clean-up" mode.  I proceeded to make breakfast his fave: bacon and eggs. I stayed fairly un-talkative and when he finished I simply asked two yes or no questions and didn't push the topic anymore.  He relaxed with the pup, who always seems to know how to cheer people up, and then off to a regular work day he went.  I'll have the house clean, and a good healthy meal ready for supper tonight.  I know this is what he needs and what works only by so so so much trial and error. 


I have discovered through our relationship that his needed support looks and feels so different than from what my needed support does. My Soldier needs a more hands off approach to support which is the complete opposite from what I need! This was a hard thing for me especially after we got married and moved away from family. Many a fight was had over this topic and many approaches were tried before landing on the correct one. Like I said it was truly trial and error!

 My Soldier and I have found these skills to be invaluable for our marriage (and constantly need work):

• Communication
• Active listening- not just saying uh-huh when listening
• Understanding
• Compromise

 

Knowing and Understanding that the type of support you need is not going to always be the type your loved one needs.  My husband needs the complete opposite support of me and it's hard because I have constantly remind myself that even though it will make me feel better it will make him feel worse.

 

-Question: How did you find what worked for supporting your spouse? Was it easy or difficult? Any insights to loving on a down and out Hubby?

 Have a great day!

 -Bre